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Featured Article:
Strategies
for Dealing With Separation Anxiety
By
Jennifer Wolf
Last year my preschooler went
though a sudden and intense bout of separation
anxiety. Out of nowhere, it seemed that the
thought of leaving my side to participate in
activities she had previously loved - like her
preschool class and going to Sunday School -
brought about complete panic. And while it was
frustrating, I knew that I needed to deal with
it in a way that acknowledged and honored what
she was feeling, while at the same time
increasing her confidence and independence. Here
are some strategies that worked for us. Even if
you're not going through a bout of separation
anxiety at this time, your child may find these
routines reassuring:
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Look For Ways to Spend
More One-on-One Time Together
Sometimes separation anxiety is really a cry
for more time with mom or dad. If the very
thought of that invokes feelings of guilt
for you, rest assured that it is
possible to work small chunks of one-on-one
time into your regular family routine. It
doesn't have to occur on a completely
separate occasion. For example, my
four-year-old loves to play board games with
me, and I've noticed that the times when I
stop whatever else I'm doing to get on the
floor with her and play a quick round of
Zingo or Candy Land really seem to make her
feel special and honored. It only "costs" me
a few minutes, but what she gets out of it
helps her to feel more connected to me and,
consequently, less likely to experience
bouts of separation anxiety.
-
Prepare, Prepare,
Prepare
When we let our kids know up front what to
expect in a new situation, we give them an
opportunity to thrive. I've found that it's
especially helpful to walk kids through what
to expect at a birthday party or play date,
in addition to actually walking through
a new classroom setting. If the anxiety
comes on mid-year, as it did for us, it can
be helpful to practice your good-bye routine
a few times "just for fun" at a time when
you're not actually dropping your child off.
-
Develop a Routine
When my son was a baby and I worked full
time, our good-bye routine included my
saying, "Catch you later!" With my daughter,
we've developed a routine that includes a
hug, a kiss, and a five. Just the
consistency of that routine helps her make
the transition from mommy-time to
school-time. Think about what words or
actions are most comforting to your child
and begin to implement them routinely during
transitions.
-
Bring a Lovey
Is there something that speaks comfort and
love to your child? Sometimes it's helpful
just to know that they have a note from you
in their pocket, or a special toy from home
stored away in their backpack. We've also
borrowed the idea of storing away "extra"
kisses from the book The Kissing Hand,
by Audrey Penn.
-
Be Calm
Our kids definitely take their emotional
cues from us, so when we're stressed or
anxious, they tend to follow suit. So as
best as you can, remain calm when
your child is experiencing separation
anxiety.
-
Consider Recent
Changes
Ask yourself whether your child has
experienced any recent changes that could be
intensifying his or her separation anxiety.
Sometimes this can be as seemingly
insignificant as recovering from an illness
or adjusting to the fact that a sibling gets
to be home with mom or dad during preschool
hours.
-
Be Intentional
Finally, make a point of letting your child
know that he or she is in good hands and
that you know your child is capable of
coping in the situation. Words like, "I know
you're upset right now, but you're in good
hands, and I know you can do it," can be
particularly reassuring to an anxious child.
What I've described here are
several strategies based on my own experience.
While my goal is to provide helpful, practical
tips you can apply right away, I strongly
suggest that you tune in to what works for
your kids. What makes them feel special and
honored? When are they most likely to feel
confident? In the past, what has helped them
adjust to a new situation? Use those successes
as well to guide you toward solutions that work
for your family. And remember that your
child's separation anxiety is a temporary
phase, one that will be behind you before you
know it.
Jennifer Wolf is a Certified
Parent Coachâ
and the owner of
Pathways Parent Coach, LLC. She also runs a
free weekly support call for Christian moms
every Tuesday through her blog,
www.faithinparenting.com. In addition,
Jennifer writes content for the
Single Parents site on
About.com's Parenting Network. Jennifer and
her husband, Christopher, have two children,
ages 8 and 4.
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