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Featured Article:
True-to-Life Resolutions
By
Jennifer Wolf
Resolutions and goals aren't
something we ought think about
only in
January. Working toward goals is part of
constantly growing and learning - essential
ingredients in living a vibrant, full life.
In particular,
as parents,
our lives rarely stay exactly the same from year
to year, or month to month. Even from week to
week, our goals and the things we're working on
as a family grow and change.
When it comes to
setting
specific goals, though, I find that articulating
our parenting goals can be especially difficult
because they tend to be born out of something
that isn't going so well. Maybe we find
ourselves yelling too much, or we're worried
about whether we're doing enough to help our
kids learn how to make friends and get along.
It's frustrating to admit that, often, parenting
isn't as smooth as we'd like it to be.
So there's a balance we need to
strike between being too hard on ourselves and
blowing off something that's really nagging at
us.
To help you find that balance,
ask yourself these questions about the goal you
have in mind:
-
What's behind the goal or
resolution?
What is the real intent? Is it really
something I agree with, support, and am
willing to pursue?
-
How can I rephrase the
resolution so that it's stated in a positive
way?
Take the idea "I'm not going to yell at my
kids anymore." What if you rephrased that
to say something like "I'm going to pay
attention to what really works when I
interact with my kids." Do you see how that
has a different feel to it? Instead of
working to correct something that you see as
negative, rephrase your goal to become
something
positive
that you're working toward
for the long run.
-
What baby steps can I take
right now toward meeting this goal?
Break the goal down into smaller steps that
you can build into your everyday life. For
the above example, start by taking a deep
breath before you talk when you feel
agitated. Then work on getting down on your
kids' level when you talk, so that your
directions are clear. Another baby step
would be making sure you get some "me time"
at some point in your day, so that you can
be focused on your kids when you're
interacting with them. And finally, once
you begin to realize what works well, repeat
it so that you can test out its ability to
positively influence your kids for the long
haul.
Finally, don't be too hard on
yourself when you're setting new goals.
Celebrate your successes and, if possible, find
a partner to cheer you on and hold you
accountable. And remember that life is
process, not a goal. The difference you make
along the way
may matter a whole lot more to your kids than
reaching the final destination.
Jennifer Wolf is a Certified Parent Coachâ
and the owner of
Pathways Parent Coach, LLC. She also
runs a free weekly support call for Christian
moms every Tuesday through her blog,
www.faithinparenting.com. In addition,
Jennifer
writes content for the
Single
Parents site on
About.com's Parenting Network.
Jennifer and her husband, Christopher, have two
children, ages 8 and 4.
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