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Featured Article:
Carving Out Quality One-on-One Time With Each
of Your Children
By
Jennifer Wolf
Whether you have one child or
you’re working on a family the size of a
ready-made baseball team, you’ve probably
grappled with how to establish and maintain some
meaningful pockets of one-on-one time between
each child and each parent. In our busy,
fast-paced lives, we may find that we’re
frequently – if not constantly – around
our children and technically in their presence,
but rarely get the chance to play with
them and intentionally engage them one-on-one.
What’s interesting, though, is
that there is often a correlation between
our kids’ behavior and whether we’ve been able
to spend some one-on-one time together. So if
you’re noticing that your kids seem extra clingy
or whiny, bored, or combative, consider whether
intentionally building in some pockets of
one-on-one time together could help. This can
be especially important during times of
transition, such as a recent move, a change of
schools or child care, and when you’ve recently
welcomed a new baby home.
The
Importance of One-on-One Time
As with anything else, it’s
easier for us to take the steps necessary to
implement a new habit when we realize the
long-term benefits associated with that action.
Regarding one-on-one time, here are some of the
benefits you’ll see when you incorporate even
brief periods of one-on-one time with your kids:
-
It provides a context in which your child
can completely be “himself,” or “herself”
-
It provides opportunities for your child to
open up to you and share his or her
thoughts, concerns, and questions
-
It’s one gateway through which you can
foster your child’s healthy emotional
development
-
It’s an extension of the bond you developed
with your child when he/she was very young
-
It’s fun!
-
It allows you to engage with your child on
another level, apart from your everyday
routine
How to
Incorporate One-on-One Time With Your Children
Like so many aspects of raising
our children, making one-on-one time a reality
requires a little creativity. Here are some
ideas to help you get started:
-
Take advantage of your family’s existing
schedules.
If one child is in school for part of the
day, use that time to intentionally spend
some one-on-one time with the children who
are home.
-
Take advantage of your children’s natural
rhythms, too.
If one child tends to get up extra early,
use that time to play a game together or do
an activity of his/her choice.
-
Divide and conquer.
Give yourself some extra time to play Legos
or dolls with your child while the rest of
the family is engaged in a separate
activity, such as taking a walk.
-
Turn errands into one-on-one time.
Bring one child grocery shopping with you
each week and allow him or her to have a
“turn” picking out a special meal or snack
for the family.
-
“It takes a village.”
Get your kids’ grandparents, aunts, and
uncles involved! Incorporating one-on-one
time between individual relatives and each
of your children has some of the very same
benefits as one-on-one time with mom or dad,
plus it supports your child’s developing
relationship with your extended family
members, too.
-
Utilize play dates.
Consider swapping play dates with a friend
or neighbor in order to sneak in a few
minutes of one-on-one time here and there
with your kids.
Most of all, remember that simply
being aware of how much one-on-one time you have
with your children will encourage you to find
new ways to build additional pockets of time
together. Plus, there’s no “one-size-fits-all”
formula. Give it a try and see what works for
your individual family. That might mean aiming
for one single one-on-one activity between each
parent and each child per week, or
striving to fit in one per month. As always,
pay attention to what works for your family, and
watch as positive changes bloom before you.
Jennifer Wolf is a Certified Parent Coachâ
and the owner of
Pathways Parent Coach, LLC. She also
runs a free weekly support call for Christian
moms every Tuesday through her blog,
www.faithinparenting.com. In addition,
Jennifer
writes content for the
Single
Parents site on
About.com's Parenting Network.
Jennifer and her husband, Christopher, have two
children, ages 8 and 4.
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